DeWeese Gains Support from Bebko-Jones, LaGrotta, Habay, & Senators Fumo and Regola

Contact: Dick Sprague or Louis DeNaples
               Numbers available from Bob Mellow’s office

(Camp Hill-State Correctional Institute) - The formation of a grass roots effort by former and current legislators to sure up support for Bill DeWeese was announced today on unofficial state letterhead.

The newly formed group, “CRAPP,” (Citizens for Ripping off All Parts of Pennsylvania), is composed of former Representatives Linda Bebko-Jones, Frank LaGrotta and Jeff Habay, and Senators Vince Fumo and Bob Regola. In a statement prepared by somebody not working for the state on their own time, CRAPP stated that “we’re all victims of a vast reform network conspiracy.”

Vince Fumo, allegedly the brains behind the effort, said “CRAPP is another way to tell the voters they don’t matter.” Fumo also noted that he hadn’t ruled out running for Lieutenant Governor as part of Bob Mellow’s “Dream Team.”

Mike Veon, decked out in a pin stripe suit with golden basketball cufflinks, said he wasn’t the least bit consternated. He maintained: “CRAPP happens! CRAPP demonstrates that former legislators can put aside partisan labels and work across cell block lines. Really, this is no BIG deal.”

Mr. Habay acknowledged that his plan to legalize Anthrax as part  of health care reform would likely fail, but said “people need to understand that nobody ever suffered a four hour erection after ingesting the ‘Big A.’ So there.” 

Ms. Bebko-Jones declared her support for DeWeese “was based on his plan to toll Lake Erie. Plus, Billy gave me a smiley face for my penmanship.” 

Mr. Regola, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said his decision to support a Democrat had nothing to do with Mr. DeWeese’s promise to appoint him to replace Jeff Coy on the Gaming Control Board. When asked about his legal status, Mr. Regola shot back:  “I  want Bill’s record expunged.”

Mr. LaGrotta, speaking from his basement, told the media: “This was a great year to be a scum bag.” LaGrotta added that he received a WAM from Bill for a startup business that will make ankle bracelets out of discarded Chinese toys. LaGrotta said, “I’m trying to move on with my life, and create new ways to screw over people that never had the chance to vote for me.”

Mr. DeWeese, through his spokesperson Don Barden, told the media this was a great year to be Rush Chairman of the House Democratic caucus:  “Wait until you see the bonuses in their Christmas stockings.” DeWeese winked, “Of course, Mr. LaGrottta doesn’t get anything in his extra stocking...if you don’t know what I mean.”

The Governor's spokesperson Chuck Ardo said, “The Governor is no Johnny-come-lately when it comes to anti-indicment scams.” Ardo added, “The Governor has asked Norman Hsu to host an ethics training camp for Bill at the Majestic Casino. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”